After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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