Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
