I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
