I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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