I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
