i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
