So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
