Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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