his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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