I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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