I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
