Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
