I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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