im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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