I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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