a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
