I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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