Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
