Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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