we're blogging at a bar
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think i have herpe
just one?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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