I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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