I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
