Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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