I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize