Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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