one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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