Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
