if you like me you must not know who I am
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
