dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
