I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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