You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
