Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize