if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
