Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
