He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
