Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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