So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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