Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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