Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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