my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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