well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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