In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
