Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
