youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
