I want you more than these girls want KFC
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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