Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
