that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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