i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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