Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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