i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize