I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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