one two three fourrrrnication!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
