I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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