my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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