Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
