2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
