it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
